okay so it may seem that im a little bit crazy... but truth be told i only blog when im feeling crazy.. either extremely happy... extremely sad.. extremely .. u get the picture!? Extreme emotion.!. its the only time i blog... maybe even just to get a piece of mind from the chaos i call home! so yeah okay its been a minute since my last entry..i have been really busy like most parents usually are.. you'd like to get some you time in.. and sometimes its just impossible.. well i finally quit working at kmart about a week and a half ago, because i found a job that pays better and gives  me more hours... i can't believe the pay i get for not having to think at all lol! im telling you the job is so easy i can easily space out and get lost in my thoughts, and still manage to finish my work.??.. its not what i would call a freakin dream job, i tell u that right now! its something temporary that happens to have good benefits not that i need the benefits, cause my family gets all that from the man being in the military.. but none the less its good to know that i have that as back up.. know what i mean...i get paid weekly.. how sweet is that? anyways so im new to another job, i miss the people at my old job, i really do, but kmart dont pay me enuff to keep me there! ahhh well wat to do?!?

 so ok da kids started school,,, well my oldest started school and is in fifth grade now.. oh gawd im getting old! and my baby his bday didn't quite meet the deadline in august so he has to start his kinder year next year... bummer! but i put him in daycare/preschool.... ugh too much money again going, but i wanted him to get used to social life and learn what he needs to learn for the next school year..so i pay to make him go to school.... yeah i know it sux... freakin public school claims that we "make too much money!" SHIT THEY DON'T KNOW MY BILLS!!! if they did.. they would be like giving me shit for free LMAO!!! but wateva mo cleva! well thats the reason i had to get a better paying job, cause i wanted my son the get into this so much that i was willing to freakin cut off everything jes to get him in... ok so school stuff is finally going good for both my boys!

now i have family staying with me... its hard financially, but even still.. i wont leave anyone hanging if they need me..still it hurts the pockets eeek! .... right now my schedule is so freakin crazy...i wake up 4am to get ready for work.. my shift is actually alright.. but damn i gotta get up friggin early! 6am-2:30pm... i at least get home  before the kiddies, and hubby... still i get so damn tired i think i officially gave up sex! LOL.. my poor husband has been deprived of what he is used to getting every freakin day! so now he is down to twice a week lol! hahahahaha! aye yay yay...ok xanga people... gotta get off of here now cause i have dinner too cook, and gotta get ready to go to a rosary... one year anniversary for one of my uncles... ugh.. so tired!

Today I am off from work... its a relief, but at the same token it keeps me busy and occuppied.. I have plenty things to keep me occuppied even at home.. but some days I would prefer work. Some may think I am crazy, but for all the mothers who have been at home moms can feel my pain hehehehe...tell me I'm wrong..?! Anyway so I am off... bored outta my damn mind wondering about where I'd want to be right now...right now??? anywhere but here... I try not to stress so much on certain things, but sometimes you can't help it.. I never would on a given day worry about finances and such... but when ur not getting help from the person who you'd think would be right there with you on the situation, its enough to drive one insane... DO NOT get it twisted... finances mean nothing to me... I could go without all the things I have been blessed with... like my house, my nice cars and furniture....but whats driving me insane is that knowing that my husband broke hisself to get this far to only destroy it... Ok now I am over exaggerating, we are not that bad off... but he keeps doing what he is doing.. its going to take all that he has worked for out from under us... What I am stressing for is to keep that from happening... I know what it will do to him if all goes down hill.. and I don't wanna see that kind of anguish... YOU FEEL ME? I know he'd feel guilt, worthless, and a bad person... and he is definately not any of those... I stress cause I am trying to save da man from his own demons. Meanwhile.. I will jes do my thing.. strive to make things balance to keep him from falling.. I can handle a fall, but I know he wont be able too... I can go without.. been there before for most my life... I can handle it...he has been there before... the difference is.. he worked hard for it all and it would crush him....